"Embrace change," reads the engraving on the tea mug warming my hands, as I sip the soothing tea. These two words, simple and direct, reflect a way of life, the only way to live in a state of contentment.Riding the waves, the tides of change, in our lives, we know the cliche saying is all too true. With change as the only constant in this lifetime, coming to grips with the ebbs and flows of every day life is no easy task though.
Reflecting on this, I come to find that it not only is pertinent to situational matters: a change of lifestyle, a change in occupation or a change in environment, but to the passing moods of our unique, but shared emotional states. Throughout each day, we all experience moments of ease and happiness, only to be disrupted momentarily by waves of anger, frustration, impatience, guilt or sadness, among many others.
What begins as a "good" day slowly transforms into a day bogged down by the stresses of life. The next day, the stressful day eases its grip on you as soon as you meander your way into a more relaxed state of mind, maybe brought on by a chat with a friend, a yoga class or the notion of the weekend within your reach. Whatever the pattern may be, each day we know the emotional roller coaster that may lie ahead if we allow it to.
I find myself experiencing this roller coaster a little less frequently these days, as I've come to find some stability in my routine, job and support system. Though, I know these states of depression, hopelessness and anxiety were not entirely due to the external events but moreso to my attachment to these events and allowing them to govern my emotions.
Just as I am aware of this, it must be true that these series of changes most recently: working at the group home and the school the kids attend, quitting Old Navy and applying for Americorps NCCC, are not entirely responsible for my reclaimed sense of security, confidence, trust and happiness.
My attachment to these things, these changes, is steering my mood and thus, controlling my ability to remain happy as long as these things stay constant. But, as we know, things can always change and nothing is guaranteed. So, why must we latch on so tightly to temporary situations or conditional states only to be disappointed when they are no longer? Are we simply setting ourselves up to be disappointed?
We spend so much time fighting and resisting the inevitably of change, whether it be these particular changes or other more tangible ones. The one I speak of is the attachment to our body and its predetermined worth by society or ourselves. Like many, my attachment has been in terms of how fit I am, how healthy I eat and of course the number on the scale.
And, this changes daily. One day, I may have eaten "good" and exercised for the magic amount of time and feel good, confident and solid in my deemed worth. The next day, maybe I've overeaten or not exercised up to par or at all and feel completely different, low self worth and mood. Though I know endorphins and all that good stuff are involved, I know its my attachment to these things that creates my present happiness or distress. So, how do we detach from these things and remain the neutral observer riding the tides of change?
Trust seems to be a key player in this. Trusting that everything is temporary: a bad mood, a horrible job, a negative relationship with others or with ourselves. And, on the flip side, the "good" is temporary as well, when it comes to basing our happiness on the deemed positives in our life: a good mood, a fulfilling job or a loving relationship.
This isn't to say we shouldn't be happy if we do have these things, but I think there's more to it than that. Finding happiness in our willingness to roll with these changes and flow with the waves of life, rather than resisting or latching onto the outcomes. I think when we let go of basing our state of happiness or sense of worth on our outside world, we come to terms with things as they are, not as we want them to be or as we think they should be.
Maybe, it's about recognizing that which changes and deciphering between that and the only thing that remains constant: authentic love for ourselves and others. And, as we work toward this acceptance of ourselves and others no matter the flux of moods, situations or physical appearance, we find love as our anchor, the only anchor to hold us down and keep us grounded as we ride the tides of change.
