For me life has always been planned, arranged, and somewhat predictable. Go to high school, get a diploma, then to college, get a degree....you get the gist. I've always had a "plan" for my future, a pretty set agenda for how I want to live my life. What I'm realizing is this: there is no such thing as having a plan for your life. Sure, you can take certain steps, like going to college, to ensure the number of opportunities you will get in order to increase your chances of being successful. But when does the planning stop and life begin? Maybe it begins when we want it to. Maybe all this planning is just an illusion our ego uses to distract us from the present moment, from being who we are truly meant to be.
I find myself being seduced daily by the ego's drive to always be working toward something. My ego makes me believe that if I just do X, Y, and Z, my life will fall into place. Maybe my life has already begun to fall into place though and maybe my planning is just delaying the natural course of things. Maybe I don't need a "plan" to secure my place in this world.
Doubts and second-guesses always seem to creep in though, yet another trick of the ego, and pull me into their dances. I begin to question the past and second guess my "plans" for the future. I begin to question things like am I really headed in the direction I want to be in life? Did I pick the right majors? Am I really ready to go to a completely different country to live for 6 months? Did I pick the right university, the right city, the right time to study abroad? I think you get the point. My ramblings and evaluations of the past would lead into a whole other list of questions doubting my past actions.
Why is it that we must doubt ourselves yet latch onto future plans? I think it's because we've seen certain situations from our past play out negatively and attempt to do everything in our power in order to prevent these things from happening again. But my planning does not save me from disappointment, nor does it save me from worry or anxiety. If anything, the planning gives me more anxiety and fuels my OCD-like tendencies.
So maybe it's finally time to let go of all the planning, the obsessing and just live, even if this means living a life of uncertainty. I think once I let go of the control my ego tricks me into believing I have, my life will flow a little smoother, a little more natural. Life is fluid, always moving, always changing, and never a sure thing. I think it's time to let go of the plans, the worrying, the obsessing, and just embrace the natural flow of life.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
We're all the same you and me...
On the bus ride home today, something out of the ordinary happened. Due to the snowstorm we had today, I was hastily walking to the bus stop, alright let's be honest, I always "hastily" walk to..well anywhere. Head down, arms pumping, I was on a mission. My thoughts, to-do lists, and worries were chattering away as I approached the bus stop. A man was waiting at the bus stop innocently snapping pictures of the snow. He walked over to me and asked if I could take a picture of him. I said yes and proceeded to do the 1,2,3 count (habit I guess). I handed the camera back and figured that was that and I went back into the ramblings of my mind.
The next thing I know he's asking me if I'm a student, what my major is, where I'm from, the usual space fillers. I noticed he had a Middle Eastern accent as he proceeded to tell me that he was from Iraq. He moved here three years ago with his family and is pursuing his masters degree in agriculture. We made small talk until the bus arrived. I took my seat as he took the seat right next to me. At this point, I felt myself becoming both a) slightly annoyed that I would have to continue to force small talk with this stranger and b) slightly uncomfortable and unsure of this stranger sitting next to me.
I'm not so sure what I was afraid of but I do know where this fear was coming from. It was coming from the fear that we've all been conditioned to feel. We've been told to fear simply because someone, some race, some culture, some religion is different from our own. It's this same fear that drowns us in our own ignorance. This fear is not our natural state. Rather, love is, our home, our center. We live in a country that was meant to honor and respect the diversity of all races, religions, beliefs and values, so why have we been conditioned to fear those differences? What was so different about this man on the bus? Sure, his skin and mine did not match but whose does? He was simply an alteration in image, appearance and superficial layering. Yet, this fear persisted.
He started to tell me about his 10-month old son and even showed me a picture on his phone. My heart immediately began to soften and the tension diminished along with it. His stop came and went and we parted ways as quickly as we had met. What was his name? I couldn't tell you. But I can tell you that he has an adorable son. I can also tell you he was just a person...a person on a bus...a person making genuine conversation with a stranger.
I'm slowly beginning to realize we're all the same. We're all heading in the same direction: back to love, back to our natural state. We may be divided on the surface layer of things (race, religion, gender, beliefs, personality types, prejudices, struggles) but inside at our core, there is no separation. You are me, and I am you. This self is our highest nature, our true nature of love, peace, and stillness.
As a psychology major, the idea of our personality being at the core of who we are has made a lot of sense. But I'm beginning to realize that this in itself, this labeling, this categorizing is the division that keeps us separate, keeps us fighting each other over our differences, keeps us locked in fear, keeps us anchored to our stubborn tendencies. I may be more inclined to more strongly exhibit certain traits- reservation, sensitivity, anxiety, perfectionism- but these are analogous to the clothes I wear each day or the beliefs and values I hold. The ego, the mind, is the biggest separation between people today. The ego is not the self though and we must reconnect to this true, stable part of us. The ego is simply the script we use in this play called Life. I am you and you are me. We are love. We are One in the spirit and breath of God and of life....
Namaste...
"I honor the place in you where the entire Universe resides.
I honor the place of love, of light, of truth, of peace.
I honor the place within you where if you are in that place in you,
and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.”
The next thing I know he's asking me if I'm a student, what my major is, where I'm from, the usual space fillers. I noticed he had a Middle Eastern accent as he proceeded to tell me that he was from Iraq. He moved here three years ago with his family and is pursuing his masters degree in agriculture. We made small talk until the bus arrived. I took my seat as he took the seat right next to me. At this point, I felt myself becoming both a) slightly annoyed that I would have to continue to force small talk with this stranger and b) slightly uncomfortable and unsure of this stranger sitting next to me.
I'm not so sure what I was afraid of but I do know where this fear was coming from. It was coming from the fear that we've all been conditioned to feel. We've been told to fear simply because someone, some race, some culture, some religion is different from our own. It's this same fear that drowns us in our own ignorance. This fear is not our natural state. Rather, love is, our home, our center. We live in a country that was meant to honor and respect the diversity of all races, religions, beliefs and values, so why have we been conditioned to fear those differences? What was so different about this man on the bus? Sure, his skin and mine did not match but whose does? He was simply an alteration in image, appearance and superficial layering. Yet, this fear persisted.
He started to tell me about his 10-month old son and even showed me a picture on his phone. My heart immediately began to soften and the tension diminished along with it. His stop came and went and we parted ways as quickly as we had met. What was his name? I couldn't tell you. But I can tell you that he has an adorable son. I can also tell you he was just a person...a person on a bus...a person making genuine conversation with a stranger.
I'm slowly beginning to realize we're all the same. We're all heading in the same direction: back to love, back to our natural state. We may be divided on the surface layer of things (race, religion, gender, beliefs, personality types, prejudices, struggles) but inside at our core, there is no separation. You are me, and I am you. This self is our highest nature, our true nature of love, peace, and stillness.
As a psychology major, the idea of our personality being at the core of who we are has made a lot of sense. But I'm beginning to realize that this in itself, this labeling, this categorizing is the division that keeps us separate, keeps us fighting each other over our differences, keeps us locked in fear, keeps us anchored to our stubborn tendencies. I may be more inclined to more strongly exhibit certain traits- reservation, sensitivity, anxiety, perfectionism- but these are analogous to the clothes I wear each day or the beliefs and values I hold. The ego, the mind, is the biggest separation between people today. The ego is not the self though and we must reconnect to this true, stable part of us. The ego is simply the script we use in this play called Life. I am you and you are me. We are love. We are One in the spirit and breath of God and of life....
Namaste...
"I honor the place in you where the entire Universe resides.
I honor the place of love, of light, of truth, of peace.
I honor the place within you where if you are in that place in you,
and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.”
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