A Return to Love

Searching, yearning for something more.
Looking to the world to fill the longing in my soul.
Thinking I would find the answer,
The answer to the emptiness I felt.

Rejection.
That is what the world gave me.
Why didn't they like me?
What was wrong with me?

I was looking for something.
Something to make me feel worthy, important, whole.
I turned to what I thought would be a safe haven.
The voice told me it would save me, protect me from the harsh reality of the world.

Empowered, in control, strong.
It gave me everything the world did not; security.
Control the food, the voice said.  This is all you have.
Mold your body.  This is your worth.
Love based upon conditions, external factors determined my worth.

Searching, yearning for something more.
Looking to the world to fill the longing in my soul.
Feeling defected, unworthy, unlovable, not good enough.
Attaching myself to these beliefs.

Looking to the world for love,
Coming up empty handed, rejected for who I was.
Where was this love I knew existed?

A journey away from love, away from myself.
The love and light within growing dimmer and dimmer.
Losing sight, losing myself.

The food gave me what the world could not.
Comfort, control, release, escape.
Escape from the anger, the hurt, the sadness, the loneliness.
But the escape was always temporary.

The longing in my soul has beckoned me to hear its call.
Whispering, nudging, hoping I'd hear its pleas.
You are good enough, you are lovable, the gentle voice said.
You are more than your body, more than the negative beliefs you harbor.
Only you have the power to change.

A journey back to love, back to myself has begun.
Slow and arduous it has been, a non-linear process.
Growing and learning each day, relearning how to love unconditionally.
Falling back in love with myself, relinquishing the control.
Learning to trust, to believe in myself, in the natural unfolding of life.

This journey has not been easy.
It has been the toughest path I've walked.
Yet, an imperfectly beautiful, empowering one at that.

The external world no longer holds the key to unlock the love within.
Infinite and flowing, this love exists within us all,
Waiting to be sought out.
Returning to this love, we find the answer to all life's questions:
The source of love is within.

Upon entering this world, we are full of infinite love.
Until one day we are conditioned to fear.
To safeguard this love, to lock it away and throw away the key.
But this love never abandoned us.
It never stopped seeking us out.
We must now listen to its call.

Searching, yearning for something more.
Turning my gaze inward I finally see.
The truth. The answer. The missing piece.

It is a journey we must all take, one of courage, determination and perseverance.
To choose yourself over anyone else is the greatest gift.
Falling back in love with the real you is where it all begins.
Taking the leap, trusting what is and letting go of the beliefs holding you back.
The journey is just beginning,
Starting with you and me;
A return to love.