Counting Steps

Sometimes,
My steps grow weary,
Run ragged of step taken,
Mis-taken steps.

Circling back,
Like a spiraling staircase,
Winding.
A cyclical pattern,
My mind replays.

It's a tape always playing,
On repeat.
Like that once favorite song,
Its rhythm now stale and dry.

Its notes toned sharp and cutting
To fine-tuned ears.
The same pattern,
The same nagging
Thoughts.
Around and around.

It's that repetitive noise,
In your head,
Like a monotonously dull,
Sometimes sharp tone,
Always cutting like a knife,
Piercing,
Prickling around the edges of clarity,
Murking the waters.

The grooves in my brain run deep,
Like the valleys,
Cutting through mountains,
Always cutting my mountain
Of strength
Down.

They cut and tear,
And shred.
Tainting beauty
With the grays and blacks,
Of its darkness.

Like pieces stripped,
They tear and claw
Persistently,
Patiently,
Tirelessly.

This is my inner darkness,
My subconscious thoughts,
Of insidious nature.
The thoughts I've hidden
From daylight.

For they shake,
In the wake,
Of light.
My light.

But, they keep surfacing.
Brought out in the light,
Of truth,
Bubbling over,
Rushing through
Layers of shame,
Protection.

Shame has hidden,
My light.
But, not today.
I keep shining,
Through walls of doubt,
Shame,
Guilt,
Anger,
Fear.

One light,
One step,
One turn,
But never back.

My steps are counting,
Counting steps,
Always counting.
Sometimes short,
Sometimes too much.

Today,
I step out
Into the light.

One step forward,
One giant leap...
Forward.